Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
