I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he shaved USA in his pubs
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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