I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
