i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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