not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.