I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.