hell yes lets make some ravioli
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY