No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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