I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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