the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
