god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
