Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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