it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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