So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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