apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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