some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
