If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
