Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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