I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
