Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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