4 words: hood of his car
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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