Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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