Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
