never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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