How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
