Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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