Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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