i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
