I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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