i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize