Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
