i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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