Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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