As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
