Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
