hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
