Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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