Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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