out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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