Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
