I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
