This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
