if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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