he told me I talked like a deaf person
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sobbing to NWA
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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