I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
