I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
