The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I will pee on everything he values.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
