Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
