She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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