Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
