Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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