Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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