just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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