a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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