Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
