i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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