Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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