His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
