It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
