We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
