You can't special order awesome
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
