That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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