people are starting to question the shark bite story
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
