No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
