I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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