some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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