Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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