I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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