My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
